I Want To Be Just Like You, Mommy

Today I have been a bit under the weather and so pretty much parked myself on the couch with a book all day. At one point, Natalie collected her pillow, 3 blankies, 4 stuffed animals and her princess costume and brought them all into the living room, set up her little bed area, put on her princess outfit and got under the blankets and then told me, "I want to be just like you, Mommy. I am practicing so I will be like you when I am all grown up."

She then proceeded to tell me at least 5 times over the course of the day that she is practicing to be like me, that she is watching me to see what I do so she can do the same things. I asked if there was anything specific that I do that she wants to do and she said, "You read us books, you give us hugs, and you love us. I am going to practice those things."

On the one hand, having my 4 year old daughter tell me this was incredibly sweet and memorable. On the other, it also filled me with a bit of dread because it really is true that my babies are watching me, learning from me what it means to be a wife, a mother, a Christian. And they are learning from both my successes and my failings.

It also means that with making the decision to homeschool them, they are around me all day long learning even more than they would if they were in school. Which is a good thing. But it also is a humbling thing and could be a fear-inducing thing. And as a Christian, it is also something that brings me to my knees on a regular basis. I want to be a good example for my kids and I can't do that on my own. There are habits of mine that I struggle with that I would not find pleasing in my kids. I get tired and can sometimes get short with them. Without regularly being in the Word and regularly asking God to help me, to change me, to form me into the woman He has created me to be, I would be scared spitless at the prospect of Natalie wanting to be just like me.

Yet, I know that with Christ, I can be a good example for her to emulate and that this is no cause for fear but a reminder for me to stay faithful to my daily prayer times. And to be the example Christ wants me to be.